The Household Cold War

It really is true that everything changes once you get married.  It’s not a drastic change, but something that happens gradually over the weeks, months and years that follow your short, well-dressed walk down the aisle.

In my case it’s been 2 blissful years since Joey and I tied the knot.  It’s been about a year and a half since we did it again (that’s a whole other blog post).  Because we dated for more than 5 years and even lived together before taking our vows, I was confident our relationship would stay exactly, perfectly the same.  Alas, I may have been an eensy weensy bit wrong.

Financial discussions pop up, stressors bubble to the surface and chores need to be done.  We’re quite good at handling the major problems, but those chores…those pesky god damn chores!  They seem to be a perpetual source of contention.  How can something as simple as vacuuming be the cause of so much bickering!?  At times these days, it feels like the Cold War in our sweet New Orleans home.

1.  I lodge my threats:  “Clean the dishes!”

2.  Joey responds: “I cleaned them yesterday!”

3.  I engage in espionage: “There’s half a pork chop on this fork, it sure doesn’t look clean!”

4.  Joey draws his battle lines: “I’m in the living room and can’t hear you over the TV!”

5.  I gather ammunition: “If you shut off the TV, maybe you’d have more time for dishes!”

6.  Joey retreats to his bunker: “But the couch is so comfortable!”

Joey draws his battle lines

Before you know it, I’ll be burning books and he’ll be deploying a ballistic missile.

Tonight though, we may have made a breakthrough.  Both sides agreed to a “treaty” of sorts: we each pick one chore each evening.  If Joey does dishes, I’ll vacuum the floors.  If Joey vacuums the floors, I’ll finish the laundry.  If we’ve learned anything from the United Nations, it’s that treaties are effective all…errr, most…well, some…okay, about .075% of the time.  But hey, it’s a start!

If the love of my life can knock out a few more chores, that Cold War just might warm a little.

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